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Melalui usia remaja
Senda gurau suka duka
Sering berganti
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Berdebar-debar hatinya
Kali pertama bertentang mata
Inilah pengalaman
Harus ditempuhi tiap insan
Kenakalan atau kesungguhan
Sukar mencari perbezaan
Betapa kau cuba melindungi
Jelas di wajah rahsia hati
Siapa Sangka,
Hari ni tergerak hati melakukan perubahan
walau sedikit yang ketara di mata
kesannya dalam dan sangat bermakna
Siapa sangka,
tanpa arah yang ditentukan dahulu
terserempak wajah orang yang amat ku kenali
sudah dewasa dan ada yang masih sama
Siapa sangka,
hati gembira tanpa kata
kenangan lama terbit di mata
suka duka jadi cerita dalam kepala
siapa sangka………
telah aku jumpa…….
orang lama…….
tanpa sengaja…….
walau banyak cerita…
hati tenang dan gembira……
My head is ringing this morning….. a feeling that is rare but nonetheless welcomed today…..
I find that when something heady and complicated to express verbally are best penned down whether in reality or virtually….. somethings are meant that way….
A dream last night woke me up forcefully eventhough I hardly had much rest yesterday…It was extremely wicked and totally not the kind of sweet serenity and slumber that I wished for.
A child… barely 5 years old judging from his height in my dream……was standing alone in the middle of a very big bed…
the boy looked relaxed…not smiling…not laughing…..and jumping and waving his arms in the air….he was pointedly looking at me as if trying to bid me coming nearer…… which i did……
When I reached the bedside……a woman appeared…..holding a baby….but the boy has disappeared….. As I stepped back…confused…another woman stood beside me…..holding a kitchen knife!!…..without a word…..she sliced my wrist!!!…
I don’t remember muchafter….. but that scene still plays in my head…it woke me up….with a heavy dizziness that I couldn’t shake off…….
too much for one night……..
A day goes by and I wonder what to be
When my heart flees to the sun
Yet my mind stays behind…
The day goes by
And I’m still wondering why
Even when its clear what he meant it by
I’m reluctant to comply…
Why dear?
So long the journey we’ve gone through
And not alone on this world
My hand is here in front of you
My heart I gave to you
Yet you refuse to make a sound
Giving space to silence for once……………………………………
Aniq,
Please….
Frown not upon my silence….
As you know me better,
I am not one to rush forth on life eternally
Doesn’t mean we forget each other…
It is not my choice to be bound to earth….
Yet, bound to her I am….
Dear breeze of my heart,
To be tied down I will not
For I will struggle with myself…
Keep me not close to your heart…
For my life is too large…
Saviour to the lost,
Hold me not to the ground…
Even if it is meant for my safety….
For my soul cannot be conquered ….
And my life has to be free…
Maybe its not meant to be….
Julius of my Ceaser
I know this is painful
I know I am being cruel….
A knife that slice through your heart….
A sword that guts your spirit and willpower…
But what choice do I have….
What choice do I have…..
What choice do I have…….
Lord,
When u call upon my faith
U never told me what is at stake
A demand that is so great
It turns my heart ice cold
Threatens to choke me and no one told
Lord,
Why did you take away my one hope
Why all the big sell to test my stand
When all I asked in return is ur compassion and forgiveness
I wouldn’t asked otherwise
Dear oh dear,
The one I have been searching for is taken from me
When I least thought it would be
And she goes away when I least expect it to happen to me
Lord,
Have I done something wrong
Have I Offend u in the greatest measure that my graces fall
She is all that I ever wish to be with
A reason that I survive and will be for eternity
Please return her to me
For she’s the only person Meant the world to me
Please return her to me
With all my heart and on my knees
She is all I need to be me…..
What…
Is it meant a deliberation..
a means to retaliate in open public…
have not u the consideration? have not u the thoughts of a human being!!!
what the b****y H**L is wrong with you?..
a mere coincidence or is it a shot meant to humiliate?
The world exist in cooperation an understanding that BY GOD lived longer than us all…
An this is the reply i get For pointing out the truth? for showing you patiently the path to take..
and you think a mere "I’m Sorry" in private is all it takes? B******T!!!
Get your big head in ice bucket!!!! wake up u B****Y I***T!!!!
I’m Talking in the nicest way any normal human can ever do in this ridiculously S****D situation!!!!
What makes you think it is enough?!!!
S**P you up and K**K your A** is what I should do!!!!!
You spoilt rotten unworthy Beligerent Inhuman Pesticidial Illbegotten lump of THING!!!!
YOU…………masacred twisted blue-headed Amputated-brain crossed-eyed…… THING!!!!!!
Urgghhh!!!
U should be slain like the worthless piece of S**T u are!!!!!!!
******Go to the hospital and buy a clue!!!**************
SO life wasn’t meant to be all gracious and flowery flirtation…its reality.. deal with it..
I have turn the age where I am no longer a teenager!!!!
I am a young adult…..
a responsibility to prove the world that i earned it…
yet deep inside the question lingers……have i?
turning into an adult is rather scary….
I am a bit lost as to how to proceed with my life right now…
do i continue with the same situation i am in right now….
or do i make a move and change my life to what i have really dreamed about?
I have been rather spoiled in the last 25 yrs that life seems alienated from me….
my heart is set on moving towards certain changes that are rather crude and drastic….
this couple of months ahead will be the start of a plan that i have had in my head for a very long time….
i am not sure whether i am ready or not…..
i am not entirely certain what will be my obstacle to overcome..
i do not even know where my changes should start as there are so much……
but one thing i know….
this is it……
I am moving on….
not ever to look back…
not ever to ponder insecurity
not even to absorb the fear in me…..
I am going……
Its not normal for a person not to love holidays….
I mean who in the world (minus nerds who r constantly in front of the pc) doesn’t love the notion to brake away from their rutine life and just go out doing somthing they don’t normally do……..****creepy****
There’s a shadow in front of your eyes…
when u hear nothing but what u create in your mind
a cloudy sky that’s forever there
a chilly breeze that stops us breathing air
stop all these momentum pressure
stop thee the horrors of depression
stop…and look around for that’s y god gave sight to our eyes…
just the other day…
we are all like a bottle..
without signature and individuality to mark us who we are…
as we grow taller…
our mind shuts out the notion
that life could be better if we try
STAND UP ALL OF YOU
look up to what is new..
turn around and get the best view you never thought before…
STAND UP ALL OF YOU
open wide ur sight n sound
listen to the colours that none paid attention before
we are free….
not machines
goes a long way to realize it to each and everyone of us…
let ur heart fly to the sky
try to untie those flood gates holding u back
for until u do
u will never know who u are….
…………………………
a life…
is not just another soul
is not just another name
is not just another pain……….
a life…
is an individuality
is a state of reality
and a decision that u can do alone
To be or not to be……………..
hence this is us to proceed ……
R we Happy?
I left my heart out in the open..
believing that life could not be so cruel…
I walked away from her
thinking that she will be good
I don’t know what i was thinking….
I don’t know what i was giving…..
I don’t know what to do…..
And my heart fails me……
tore a strip in the middle and left it gaping
it hurts…it truly hurts…
feels like dying…yet it is not true….
for long I have kept it to myself…
It won’t do to hurt someone else’s….
but it doesn’t make it all right….
I know now that life is as it is…
I will not blame it to be cruel……
for it will make the world a bitter place to live in……
but the wound would not heal…..would not spread…..would not kneel…
it just stood still…..
should I not think about it…..I’ll be fine (which is obviously contrary)
but when i do…(and i swear this is true)
i felt it bleed….overflowing my heart with too much pain…
so much so… that i just can’t breath…
i am no quitter…
never known myself to give up completely….
but when my heart sings in sorrow…..
my life stood around me….never moving…….
I would run for peace…….
as what I am doing now…..
Honestly,
the last time i had ever really enjoyed myself was like…..2 years ago? give or take la……that was bcoz i was living away from family…heheheh…don’t get me wrong…no offence to the care and attentions from my mom n dad….not to mention my brother (Ampen)…. :p its just those concept of living under one roof that gives u the creeps whenever u try doing sumthing extreme n the probability of offensive is high!!!
hehehehe….Ma!!! don’t yell at me K! daddy….. u’re one quiet dude….. yet the drill sargeant figure still looms over me…..its one of those times where i go crazy for a while…….chill!!!!!!!
well…. 21/4/07 my psycho radar screams up again…….(mind u this is not the one occasion….but my private life is still my private life)…
lo n behold…i got hold of ‘Good Charlotte’ ticket…..what does a psycho do when they get one of these things? SCREAM la!!!!!! ROCK!!!ROCK!!!ROCK!!!!RRROOOOOOCCCCCCKKKK!!!!!!!!
SO i went…… sobered and hyped up!!!! worn t-shirts n jeans (the usual angel outfits… :p) n I WALKED!!!! I really did!!!! (believe me…!!) it took me 15 minutes to walk from my house to Bukit Jalil Carpark A where the concert is held…..n i am not sweating at all….(c how excited i am?) 
arrived and snooped in between the lines and got pass the security guards… no biggie….sent a message to GIMLI n I am lost!!!!! SOOOOO many people….There is no way i can find her and the gang!!!! what am i gonnna do?!!! urrgghhh!!!! well there’s only one way…. brave the wave baby…brave the wave…..I stood in front of the music console…. on the fence…in the middle of the crowd…. trying with my 5′3" height to peer through all those 6′ people… looking for my 5′6"s fren!!!!…..this is impossible!!!!! waarrrgghhh!!!!!!One Buck Short goes on stage……and I am stuck between 2 mak salleh, standing in front of me, as tall as my arms can reach and a bunch of punk kids showing of their ‘derriere’ to their ‘mmm’
I don’t give a **** what will happen…. I ROCK!!! with all my heart………………..5 minutes later……aiyo… no more voice……. ******sigh******
wish i wasn’t getting older….
and after a while……**BEEP** **BEEP**…… Alas…
Gimli sent a message….!!!!!! she’s at the back of the crowd!!!!!!
alright!!!!!!
its not that hard to find her and our Aragon…..very easy indeed…. where else can I find gorgeous ladies amongst throngs of ugly beasts….(most of them laying down and not caring whether I Stomp them or Roll over them…) :p
More SCREAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hehehehe…. melissa and her fren linda is also there…. alright!!!
we are all hungry(duh!!!! my last meal was like hours ago!!)… so off we go to the food counter…..
hehehehe……While eating…. I got a picture of her…. (aragorn……watch out… I’ll upload the picture later….with some spicy comments to accompany it!!) :p
The height of our night was while hanging out at the media entrance….. a stage promoter (i guess?) came over to us as say… "ladies…. would u like to go in side to the front of the stage?"….. we were like "**** yeah!!!" come on………!!!!! lets go!!!
well …. one psycho is enough to rock the world…..what do u think 5 psychos do when they r 2gether?…….
it was a night…to last nights…..
"Big Arie……Lil’ Kema…….Syue….miss our time in Sarawak…..where have u all gone to?"
