My Blog

Some say…
that it takes a tragedy to wake us up

some say..
that it takes a sad breeze to keep us
on the edge

some say…
that it takes a single word to convey
what is in your heart..

I have lost…..
The greatest love I have always have
but hardly have the time to voice
it….
< BR>No…that is not correct…
I have voiced it out loud for
years….so many years…that it burns
into the hearts that I have said it to
without any regrets…

I have laughed and screamed and jumped
and lay down my life for the one I put
my heart in…

(This is not easy for me..)

I told myself I will not cry
As I am writing this down for all to
read…
I told myself I shall not shed a tear
no matter how I try to…for the need
to convey these feelings into words …

But I am crying silently…inside my
heart…inside my mind…in my blood
and in my thoughts…

the wound would not go away…

but I believe…I must continue to
breath and live for him who has passed
away ….. away from us all…

I remember it like a fresh breeze
blowing to my face…
he is our angel…
he is our whole life…..
the day he came into our world….all
our plan went to the dust bin

he was our plan from then on…our
future.. .
we took all the burden…as much we
could to make life easier for the
golden angel…

The day he started to sit on his own
effort…we celebrated with shouts of
joy….
the day he started to stand on his own
two feet….our hearts just burst into
tears….so much so..that when he
began to walk at the age of almost 3
years old…we all left our lives
behind and stood proud beside
him…taking him on walks to all his
favourite places….(the
supermarkets!!)

it was never easy on him…. all the
things other children thought to do on
a whim….he has to think carefully
and ponder on the consequences…
even the stairs going to our parents
room seems a mile away for him to
reach…
I cannot begin to describe the worry
and overprotective feeling the whole
family has towards him…he really is
our angel…

I remember the day….we all felt lost
when he has to go through surgery at a
very tender age…

seeing him open his eyes and looked at
us with wonders in his eyes after the
surgery was like a blessing straight
from God…we will always remember
that time……

We felt overjoyed when we saw his excitement having taken his first walk along the hospital corridor without the faintest spell of nausea…not a drop of tear or exasperation.. nor was there any sign of tiring or exhaustation… what we saw was a young boy.. blooming with health… face so flushed with joy we could not help but share the feelings together…

we were overjoyed….

truly content that our angel made it through with God’s blessing… unharmed and well..

the years continue to walk by us… giving the family ‘Baby boy" a chance to know the world properly… having the opportunity to see what only half the world could ever imagine life outside turned to be…

we call him our ‘Baby boy’ for his wishes are always our top priority….come day or night… no matter how long it takes or how hard it turned out to be…. his every wishes we will always give and provide without any regrets…

he truly was our family’s pride and joy.

there was nothing that he could truly do wrong with… no mistake was too great that we would likely forget our love for him… and he grew up to be the perfect boy…

he is God’s Angel with a smile always sticking to his face… and the twinkling in his eyes that speak volumes of his coming mischiefs….

We tried our very best to show him what the real world looked like without us as the centre face…

saying ‘Thank Yous’ and ‘Hellos’ and I’m Sorry’ whenever called upon…

givng out  ‘Assalamualaikum’ and ‘wa’alaikumsalam’…. shaking hands and hugging people whenever he can……

saying simple prayers was something we were very proud of as he showed his understanding of the need to know his roots…

We all Love him…Always will….

it was a sad day and a blessing when God decided that he loved our ‘Baby boy’ most…

the medication was only helping to support his survival for soo long…. he left us…. for good..on his elder brother’s lap… with his younger sister beside him…the heart gave away through years of struggling to become normal…..

I do not know what actually happened….I do not know what he was thinking…. and I do not know what he was looking for…. but I do know that a part of all of us went with him…… for ever…. that I truly know of…

We have no regret that he left us…

We have no regret that only two of us was there when he left us

But the regret became a monster when we realise how much more we would have given him in this life and we are unable to do so because he has left us….

Dear Baby Boy

Angel of ours

Golden Child of the family

Sweet Jai

Mom n Dad misses you

Bang Pen, Kak Lin, Bedi n Telin still feels your presents amongst us….

But we know you’re in God’s hands now….and in good hands too….

We are accepting this as much as we can… don’t worry…

Be at peace….

Love you  Jai….So much….

-Al Fatihah-