I’ve always known since small that I have this ability to not sit quietly in one place less than I should have.
It didn’t bother me one bit about my unstable attitude as I know that no matter what, my restlessness is only due to my upbringing…..
I’m born overly pampered and suckered into the life of getting what I want and I will get it one way or another … (sheessshh… my alter ego has emerged!!!)….
Reflecting on the words written, I realize that no matter how I try to deny it (and I am Doing that currently!!!), along the way… hearts have been broken.. enemies created… and friends have left!!!!…..
I am on the brink of unrealistic reality!!!!! (ICE AGE MELTING!!)
I do not boast to have many who knows me….
Same time I do not pretend to have known many in return….(do I?)
But I know that there are those I have forgotten (both intentionally and unintentionally!) over the decades…..(yes.. i’ve lived more than One decade!!)…
It is unsettling when I think of it….. to know.. that I am in fact… actually a human being….
Full of its ups and downs and twisted fate and abnormality that god knows how hard I tried to avoid it……. a looped circle will always be a looped circle……(I have started to talk in riddles again…..*sigh*)
So…. As I continue writing in this blog….. My conscience spoked for the first time in…..(God ….has it been years?) Telling me that sooner or later I will have to fessed up to those effected around me before I leave a grave hole full of empty reconciliation…Here goes…
To R….whom I have known a short instance when I lived and breath in Melaka… Whom I treated like my own uncle( I know he resent this title…but that is who you are…)… …. I did what I had to do…we’re leading a separate life…I would forever be on edge with the thought of us as more than just friends….best that you continue as you are and so should I.
To K* who was forever patient and understanding….The Sun rises and sets down as expected…its the law of nature….but that is not who I am….I am… who I am….not a child you soo fond of protecting from this world….
D……who tried to spend time to understand me……I do thank you from the bottom of my heart….Though I never showed it in my actions and words…the gratitude is there……
M….I am glad that you finally decided to move on…..I will leave as this is what should happen…….live your life and be happy……
consequently, I do not apologize to those that I had hurt intentionally……. for the need was too great for me to ignore it…. it may be because It is better to leave it as it is…. but then again, maybe wounded…..I tend to lick my wounds a little bit longer than necessary….
A long list I have in my hand…….yet…I am currently not ready to open up to all my skeleton in my closet……suffice to say….I will continue when sincerity is upmost on my mind for the people involved….I would feel much better then… as I believe would the people around…..
**Aniq……I am dreadfully sorry.
