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I left my heart out in the open..

believing that life could not be so cruel…

I walked away from her

thinking that she will be good

I don’t know what i was thinking….

I don’t know what i was giving…..

I don’t know what to do…..

And my heart fails me……

tore a strip in the middle and left it gaping

it hurts…it truly hurts…

feels like dying…yet it is not true….

for long I have kept it to myself…

It won’t do to hurt someone else’s….

but it doesn’t make it all right….

I know now that life is as it is…

I will not blame it to be cruel……

for it will make the world a bitter place to live in……

but the wound would not heal…..would not spread…..would not kneel…

it just stood still…..

should I not think about it…..I’ll be fine (which is obviously contrary)

but when i do…(and i swear this is true)

i felt it bleed….overflowing my heart with too much pain…

so much so… that i just can’t breath…

i am no quitter…

never known myself to give up completely….

but when my heart sings in sorrow…..

my life stood around me….never moving…….

I would run for peace…….

as what I am doing now…..

Honestly,

the last time i had ever really enjoyed myself was like…..2 years ago? give or take la……that was bcoz i was living away from family…heheheh…don’t get me wrong…no offence to the care and attentions from my mom n dad….not to mention my brother (Ampen)…. :p its just those concept of living under one roof that gives u the creeps whenever u try doing sumthing extreme n the probability of offensive is high!!!

hehehehe….Ma!!! don’t yell at me K! daddy….. u’re one quiet dude….. yet the drill sargeant figure still looms over me…..its one of those times where i go crazy for a while…….chill!!!!!!!

well…. 21/4/07 my psycho radar screams up again…….(mind u this is not the one occasion….but my private life is still my private life)…

lo n behold…i got hold of ‘Good Charlotte’ ticket…..what does a psycho do when they get one of these things? SCREAM la!!!!!! ROCK!!!ROCK!!!ROCK!!!!RRROOOOOOCCCCCCKKKK!!!!!!!!

SO i went…… sobered and hyped up!!!! worn t-shirts n jeans (the usual angel outfits… :p) n I WALKED!!!! I really did!!!! (believe me…!!) it took me 15 minutes to walk from my house to Bukit Jalil Carpark A where the concert is held…..n i am not sweating at all….(c how excited i am?) 

arrived and snooped in between the lines and got pass the security guards… no biggie….sent a message to GIMLI n I am lost!!!!! SOOOOO many people….There is no way i can find her and the gang!!!! what am i gonnna do?!!! urrgghhh!!!! well there’s only one way…. brave the wave baby…brave the wave…..I stood in front of the music console…. on the fence…in the middle of the crowd…. trying with my 5′3" height to peer through all those 6′ people… looking for my 5′6"s fren!!!!…..this is impossible!!!!! waarrrgghhh!!!!!!One Buck Short goes on stage……and I am stuck between 2 mak salleh, standing in front of me, as tall as my arms can reach and a bunch of punk kids showing of their ‘derriere’ to their ‘mmm’

I don’t give a **** what will happen…. I ROCK!!! with all my heart………………..5 minutes later……aiyo… no more voice……. ******sigh******

wish i wasn’t getting older….

and after a while……**BEEP** **BEEP**…… Alas…

Gimli sent a message….!!!!!! she’s at the back of the crowd!!!!!!

alright!!!!!!

its not that hard to find her and our Aragon…..very easy indeed…. where else can I find gorgeous ladies amongst throngs of ugly beasts….(most of them laying down and not caring whether I Stomp them or Roll over them…)  :p

More SCREAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hehehehe…. melissa and her fren linda is also there…. alright!!!

we are all hungry(duh!!!! my last meal was like hours ago!!)… so off we go to the food counter…..

hehehehe……While eating…. I got a picture of her…. (aragorn……watch out… I’ll upload the picture later….with some spicy comments to accompany it!!) :p

The height of our night was while hanging out at the media entrance….. a stage promoter (i guess?) came over to us as say… "ladies…. would u like to go in side to the front of the stage?"….. we were like "**** yeah!!!" come on………!!!!! lets go!!!

well …. one psycho is enough to rock the world…..what do u think 5 psychos do when they r 2gether?…….

it was a night…to last nights…..

"Big Arie……Lil’ Kema…….Syue….miss our time in Sarawak…..where have u all gone to?"

I never should have listen to you

Those angelic face carved by angels

watery green eyes blinking profusely at me

and that silent look you gave me….

aaarrrggghhhh!!!!!

I should have known you would lure me to this feeling

All those time, resisting….

its to no avail!!!

I never should have listen to you….

you little blueish thing you…

your promise is as good as NONE…

words sweet like honey….

but inside your heart is empty

I should never listen to you

although I knew I have vowed to do so in the past

you got through my defense

n I still don’t know how you got through…

I am at a lost….. I am addicted to you…….

Get away from me…… I need my peace……..

Long heavenly siesta

With vague memories of yesterdays affair

I find myself languorous leisure….

A spasm of tenderness in the unknown retreat….

Shutters eyelid…..

Bloodlife seeping all through my pores….

And I smile a gleaming feline….

Unwinding is good for the soul….

Yet… not many knows how exactly…..

Green-eyed covetous aren’t we all?

Neverthelessssssssss, why should I concern myself?

I made my life-line

Y heap your opinion upon?

Daft to the point of excessiveness….

Im in the Highway….until such time the exit toll looms over me…..

this is just to compensate what actually happen friday night……

start with dear K

who is she…….she’s the indian gal whom i had known while in Maersk….funny girl….talks non-stop if the situation warrants…..dark skin and straighten black hair(didn’t know if she ever dyed it)….yeah that’s the extent of her indian originality….. other than that………she’s totally an alien…..she loves shopping for earrings…said she got around 36’s pairs now…. dress like a UK gal going out for a girls night….(turtle necks/sleeveless/printed skirt/somewhat matching shoes) and she talks non-stop(have i mentioned that?)…oh.. by the way…. she spends some time drinking alone at clubs if the moods takes her there(wat the @#$% were u thinking drinking alone?)

next…….our pretty Yee Ling

she’s prettier now with her hair cut slightly shorter than her normal style…(love it girl)….obviously she’s chinese….very good at helping me out of trouble when Amanda tries to bully me (which happens a lot)…….used to go play futsal with her while still working in Maersk last time…..good player….both of us like some tomboy charging the ball against some boys….  :p… those were the days…….oh ya… talks alot too….smiles a lot…..(gigles?? NOPE….more like no bars hold to laughter…..last friday laugh was contagious…….i couldn’t stop myself either!!!!!!

last but not least……….durian-piggy-Amanda

y lar u wear that t-shirt???? ok3x it looks cool on you….. i’ll not fight about it…..Happy???? she’s a ………………………………… ………………………………… (eh……u’re a chinese sabahan kan?) i think……..well……nvm… Amanda, aka Gimli is the only girl (apart from Wan see) who ENJOYS……i repeat… ENJOYS tormenting the life out of me…..!!!!! (off course my being too lenient with her cajoling lend to her glee n enjoyment in life!!!)…. she’s smiling now…. i can feel it!!!! wait till the day u’re dead drunk i’ll flash out my videocam and post it in youtube!!!!

anyway…. wat happen was…… we all met for dinner as promised(last minit promise ma!) sat down and yadda-yadda-ding-dong talk while waiting for our dinner….amanda being early has already finish her 1st course….so just me n k n yee ling lor…. donno y….(probably bcoz yee ling was too cute that night the waiter couldn’t stop looking at her kot) my drink never arrived……..so being Amanda……before i could ask the boy…Amanda say……."waiter ah….where’s her drink? Ice lemon tea? got no more lemon ar?"…….. the boy was flustered beyond imagination…..all three of us was stunned and when he left…. Yee Ling started to giggle…..then followed by a loud bark-like-laughter…which got louder as all of us join in the joke…….the more we think of it….the louder our laughs came out…since yee ling couldn’t stop her laughter….the issue got dragged until the boy actually came back with my drink…apologize and ran away…….(poor kid)……it took a while….but eventually our noises (which weren’t really that loud) got down a level or two….

that’s wat really brought out the night…….words sometimes do translate itself to…………..other things……  :p Amanda………….